Scarlet’s Web Journal

A Sorta Fairytale

Thursday 22 September 2011, by Cécile Desbrun

I’ve been keeping a little something from everywhere I go. Sometimes matches, sometimes something else… to Remember.

Pink sandwiches, yikes. Better than I thought.

Feeling like Alice when she tipped the bottle that read "Drink me" and I did, getting Bigger then getting smaller. Feeling my way in your world. You like taking photographs. This is how I begin to see how you see.

Salt and heat. Woord burning by the sea. Discovering you as you discover this – Heaven. Passed through here before. Not like this.

Showing you places. No. Treasures. They became my haunts. Where I stored what was left. Shreds. This was long ago.

You don’t know the story yet. You do know a few of my special places. You have doors that are locked. One opens. I go

Heard about a place, today. In a café. Took off there together. Pulling the car over when one of us has a hunch.

Time to turn back, we decide to go further. Have some friends out in the desert. New Mexico. You want to go, I hesitate. We go.

Grand Canyon, finally. We are all at the Mercy of the Desert. She is merciful today, strange. You ‘fall in love’ – then it’s kind of important that you ‘fall in Like.’ I like the way you listen to strangers. I like the Light there. It is kind. Maybe that’s good. Maybe that’s not good. It begins to melt Any Restraint. What you don’t say… the shedding is Beginning. For Both of us. The Light has been kind today. I won’t Wonder about tomorrow.

Go to Zuni… Sallinas. It stirs up things. Inside. We see it differently. I’m not pissed off, just tired – I say.

I feel something Watching. Hard to explain. I think they’re letting us take some kind of historical polaroid Back with us.

"To do what exactly ?" I don’t know – I say.
"great" you say "I’ll take a picture. A picture of something that happened a long time ago…" (It is just beginning to happen for me)
We wander through at a different pace. We get separated. You’re waiting by the car "so are you ready?"
I didn’t say – ready for what…

Santa Fe has amenities. Good tastes and smells. Never underestimate this – I won’t do so again. Being with friends was good. Being with strangers was a little weird. But it’s tied us together for a while.

Taos. She will take you or Not. You have no choice in this. You can, however, choose how to respond. "Why don’t you fly back with him to his world?"
I can’t yet. He says he’s in.
The shedding continues.

Hopi. You know how carterpillars Break through this Shell that they created so that they can become a creature of Flight --- ?
I saw a photograph you had taken of me. You left it on the Dash. Yikes. (Is this how you see me…)
Sad to leave Hopi. This is a new spacial place. Odd. I’m not here alone. But I’m sharing secrets Quietly, only with this place. You’re phoning. I’m walking

Palm Springs and a dip. Closer to your world. You’re good in your world. You make cracks at it. They’re funny. You see it for what it is and yet it has you. You want to slip back into mine.

We go to Joshua Tree. Spend the night in sleeping Bags. You say – steal me – I say – easy – we Ride. Retracing what seems like very old tracks on our way up North again.

Seeing earth dressed in any and every green without envy – The secrets she knows. The lovers that have crawled inside each other under her - before there were pianos, before there was Mohammed, before there was Jesus, before Mac’s, for Chrissake.

The phone goes, San Francisco. Almost where we chose to go further. I cross the Bridge. You don’t. (from the Web Journal published on Scarlet’s Web in 2002)