Tuesday 14 June 2011, by Cécile Desbrun

“Dark Energy. It can be found in the Observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would then define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don’t have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.” (CD booklet)

“Pressure now forming. Giants collide. I listen. I learn. A stellar nursery, tightly packed. In order to achieve the birth of a viable system, energies must first collapse. They say temperature must rise at the core to trigger a fusion reaction. You have to ask what powers all these stars? Light from a neighboring star is cold. My mind wants to envision former glory for this now fading star. Outer layers that have exploded violently are now only remnants, clouds of dust. She, a once stable star now labeled as unstable. After they exhaust everything else in their cores, they are unable to withstand internal pressure. We who feel a paper cut are comparably tiny next to these structures - where a shock wave from their core blows away the outer layers. Pushing against each other. I watch. Speechless. Pushing against each other from which nothing can escape. It is a cannibalizing. Naturally, of course. Some stars cannibalize even the faithful. I have learned to keep my distance.” (American Doll Posse tourbook)


Mar. 28th, 2007 - 05:47 pm
1. Do I Care

Do I care
if someone thinks that I’m not the kind of girl to bring home to play happy families?

No. I don’t play happy families because there are too may families that are far from happy.

Do I care
If a friend of a friend accuses me of being stand-offish?

They would probably be accurate. I am stand-offish to most people. Why shouldn’t I be? It’s honest. I cannot handle hypocrites.

Do I care about my friends?
To the death, but then I only have a few real friends besides my mom.
I don’t need or want anymore friends.
I welcome thinkers that I can respect, I always have time for a well thought out strategy.

Do I care that an acquaintance may perceive me as cold?
Not at all.

Do I care
about the fact that we are subjected to a Commander and Chief who doesn’t listen to his generals, troops, Blue Ribbon Committees, congress, or ’We the people’?

Yes. I care about this very much.

I’ll come clean. My dad was a senior analyst for the CIA for a while. He died recently.

He would say to me, ’Look Pip, are you even aware that we are in a radical and scary world?...a world which by the way is not out there somewhere but all around us. Are you and your friends even interested in why we are in such a radical and scary world?’
At the time I thought to myself yeah dad, great that you give a shit dad but life goes on. But I didn’t say it. Unfortunately I didn’t say anything at all.

Flashbacks. I’m not sure if what I get can be classified as flashbacks. It’s more real then that. I swear sometimes that dad is following me around, asking me more questions, or leading me to yet another riddle. It used to piss me off. I told mom the other day that I look forward to the ghost of dad.

She asked, ’any messages for me sweets?’
I told her the truth----’He makes me check in on you at least once a night. He always makes me promise not to forget.’
She wrapped her arms around herself and just stared out into the night.

O.K. fine--- so it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day... But an old war with no end in sight as more troops go off to fight in Iraq. What would dad say? He would ask a question. ’So pip. Why do you think that so many are doing so little about a horrible situation?’

Not so long before he died, I looked up from my laptop and he was in the doorway with a more serious then usual type of gaze.

’Hey dad, spill. C’mon. What’s really behind this fucking war?’

He tilted his head and answered, ’We are a nation of sheep. But is it really the sheep’s fault that they follow each other?’

Oh god. I exploded, ’Enough of the cryptic bullshit dad. I am not a kid anymore. You can trust me. I’m not some Lost girl hiding behind useless Lullabies. I can take the truth dad.’

With his hand on my shoulder he looked almost sad... ’The lullabies weren’t useless and you never did hide.’ He swallowed hard. ’Do you believe pip that all this time I haven’t been telling you the truth? Is that what you really believe pips?’

If I am honest, I was mentally tired. Dad had a way of totally exhausting you and energizing you all at the same time. But what I said then I now regret.

’I don’t know dad. When you’re ready dad. Go be fly.’
Tags: cia, war